"Those were the days," as we like to say. The days when the ego was working overtime and we were positive we could save the world. In a way, I think we hippies of the 60’s and 70’s have done just that. But I believe that instead of following divine guidance and order, we thought we could do it by sheer willpower plus assertiveness training. And I think we were damn successful, too, and are just beginning to see the fruits of our labor. The problem was, in my opinion, that we spent so much energy on improving the world that we forgot to take care of ourselves and sometimes our children as well. As a result, a good number of us have, at some level, chosen to enter the "window of departure" in our 40’s or 50’s, through illness, accident, or even suicide, never to return to this painfully chaotic and confused planet.

Oh yes, I know. I speak from experience. I was an active member of NOW, a Kripalu Yoga disciple and Instructor for over 25 years, a TV and radio personality, a social worker, prison therapist, AIDS counselor, criminal justice reformer, and friends with some of the best known social activists and personalities in the world. I even fell in love with a brilliant Irish poet doing life at Sing Sing Prison in NY where I was a volunteer teacher. I married him, too (folk singer Pete Seeger was our best man). Altogether he served over 26 years behind bars. Oh, how I loved my cause c’elebre! Still do, but talk about trying to save the world and being a first-class rescuer You can’t get much more egotistical than that, courageous and outrageous though it may seem. We once fasted together for 51 days against the death penalty. Oh, yeah, I was flying high.

And then, BOOM, just after he was finally released and I was starting to make big bucks and become really well-known, I got the news that I had a terminal illness and it wouldn’t be long before I would either die or need a liver transplant. With that, my husband was gone, and I nearly was too. The night he told me he was having an affair, I went a little nuts. Ten years of intense effort to rescue him and this was my reward.

For the next three years I hovered between life and death. I remember the moment I decided to fight for my life because I felt I hadn’t yet done what I came to the Universe to do. It was then I slowly started to recover, but it was almost four years before I was feeling anywhere near well again. Suffice it to say, I came out of this near-death experience looking different, feeling different, and with a whole new perspective on what’s happening both personally and planetarily (if there is such a word.)

You know what? I didn’t even know it was my ego kicking in thirty years ago, but I did know that I was sent here on a Divine Mission, as many, if not all, of us are. And when the rug got pulled out from under me and I literally had only a few years left at most (and not good ones predicted either), something happened. I made the choice to live, and to grow up spiritually. Not that any of my past accomplishments were bad, but they diverted me from my Divine Mission and so ultimately, the soul would have to move on. I think I understand why it irks me so much to see such spiritual arrogance and exclusivity among some individuals and groups in the spiritual community. It’s a mirror. I thought I knew it all. But I didn’t know anything back then and I know very little even now.

Gosh, I’m glad I’m back – most days, anyway. I meditate twice a day, allowing the Spirit to guide me now, "hearing" clearly my instructions from another dimension, but knowing that my truth is coming from the inside out, not the outside in. I have no fear, only a hope that all of us who choose to may evolve along with the planet, and that we may find the peace and love – real love – that we so desperately desired all those years ago. And you know what? I believe, truly believe, that it’s going to happen. I have chosen to return from the other side to help with the transition. That is my Divine Mission. So, ha ha, joke’s on me because I am "saving the world" after all. But it’s not because of my ego. It’s because I have surrendered my ego. Wow, what a lesson.

by Vinita Anne Watkins